Understanding Conflict
What is conflict?
What do you think of when you hear the word “conflict”? Many people associate conflict with negativity, stress, avoidance, and even violence. But conflict can be an opportunity for transformation, learning, and deepening relationships. Healthy conflict is a normal part of life – something we all experience as part of human interaction. Some degree of conflict is likely needed for innovation and creativity. What is not normal is being stuck in conflict so that it prevents us from thriving in our work, relationships, and communities. If conflict is holding us back, it’s a sign we need to take a new approach.
Conflict can be defined as the perceived incompatibility of interests, needs, and goals between two or more parties or even defined simply as any place two or more people are stuck. Perceived differences are found in families, workplaces, and communities – all the places humans interact. Often, conflicts occur because people make assumptions about others’ views and needs, and put their desire to be right over the value of developing trusting relationships and solving problems. The following can go a long way in effectively resolving conflict: seeing beyond stated positions to underlying interests and concerns, using a problem-solving mindset, developing communication skills, and focusing as much on relationship as issues.
There is no one “right” way to address conflict. Conflict resolution practices draw from diverse fields of study, professional approaches, and cultural and community traditions. Luckily, there are many resources you can draw from to improve your conflict resolution skills. As you go, you may learn that while conflict is challenging, it is also an opportunity for growth and change.
OCDR guides
- Cognitive biases and distortions common in collaborative problem-solving
- Conflict continuum and conflict resolution principles
- Questions for resolving conflict
- 15 Things To Do and To Avoid in Conflict
- Facilitation for collaborative problem solving
- Collaborative problem-solving glossary
- Conflict resolution FAQ
Recommended resources
- Getting to Yes: This proven, step-by-step strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements is a classic in the conflict resolution literature.
- Interests, Position, Needs and Values article: This Beyond Intractability article describes core features underlying conflicts.
- Conflict Management Styles: This article describes how conflict styles differ, including the positive aspects of each style.
- Conflict styles assessment: This free, quick assessment is based on the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes model.
- The Conflict Pivot: This book by Master mediator Tammy Lenski provides useful visuals and simple-to-remember steps you can use in the heat of conflict.
- Little Book of Conflict Transformation: This brief book provides a systemic approach to understanding and working through entrenched conflict.
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