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Interpersonal Conflict Resolution
Conflict is a natural part of life. Like most natural forces it can be negative or positive. It can lead to better ideas and decisions, growth, and positive change. However, minimizing the destructive aspects of conflict and maximizing the productive ones takes knowledge and skills.
Here are a few of our favorites resources to build your knowledge and skills:
- Getting to Yes is a book that offers a proven, step-by-step strategy for coming to mutually acceptable agreements in every sort of conflict.
- TED talk with "Getting to Yes" author William Ury: William Ury, author of "Getting to Yes," offers an elegant, simple (but not easy) way to create agreement in even the most difficult situations – from family conflict to, perhaps, the Middle East.
- Difficult Conversations is a book that walks you through a step-by-step proven approach to having your toughest conversations with less stress and more success.
- Crucial Conversations is a book that gives you the tools you need to step up to life's most difficult and important conversations, say what's on your mind, and achieve the positive resolutions you want.
- Nonviolent Communication: Through stories, examples and role-plays, this cornerstone book provides a deep understanding of the core components of the NVC process and consciousness. Over 3,000,000 copies have been printed in more than 35 languages around the world.
Political Polarization
Political division has always existed but today we are seeing ever increasing levels of polarization between liberals and conservatives and urban and rural parts of the county. For example, the Pew Research Center finds increasingly stark disagreement between Democrats and Republicans on the economy, racial justice, climate change, law enforcement, international engagement and a long list of other issues as well as heightened feelings of animosity between the political parties. Research shows that this polarization is also affecting families, workplaces, schools, neighborhoods, and religious organizations, stressing the fabric of our society.
Why is this happening, and what can be done about it? Here are some great resources:
Learn about why we are so divided:
- Prius or Pick-up: Two award-winning political scientist provide the psychological key to America's deadlocked politics, showing that we are divided not by ideologies but something deeper – personality differences that appear in everything from politics to parenting to the workplace to TV preferences, and which would be innocuous if only we could decouple them from our noxious political debate.
- Uncivil Agreement: How Politics Became Our Identity: In the book Uncivil Agreement, author Lilliana Mason looks at the growing social gulf across racial, religious, and cultural lines, which have recently come to divide neatly between two major political parties. She argues that group identifications have changed the way we think and feel about ourselves and our opponents.
- In a Politically Polarized Era, Sharp Divides in Both Partisan Coalitions: A Pew Research Center report look at how partisanship remains biggest factor in public's political values.
- The Psychology Traits That Shape Your Political Beliefs: Social psychologist Dannagal G. Young breaks down the link between our psychology and politics, showing how personality types largely fall into people who prioritize openness and flexibility (liberals) and those who prefer order and certainty (conservatives). Hear why both sets of traits are crucial to any society, and how differences are being dangerously exploited to divide us.
- The Moral Roots of Liberals and Conservatives: Psychologist Jonathan Haidt studies the five moral values that form the basis of our political choices, whether we're left, right or center. In this eye-opening talk, he pinpoints the moral values that liberals and conservatives tend to honor most.
Learn what to do about our division:
- How We Can Reconcile With Each Other When Our Politics Are So Polarized: A Wall Street Journal article about how sharp political divisions have disconnected us from friends and family, with ideas on how find common ground again.
- Love Your Enemies by Arthur Brooks
- Love Your Enemies, a book by Arthur Brooks: In Love Your Enemies, the New York Times bestselling author and social scientist Arthur C. Brooks shows that abuse and outrage are not the right formula for lasting success. Brooks blends cutting-edge behavioral research, ancient wisdom, and a decade of experience leading one of America's top policy think tanks in a work that offers a better way to lead based on bridging divides and mending relationships.
- Video Interview with Arthur Brooks: Arthur Brooks is interviewed on PBS by Judy Woodruff to discuss his book, "Love Your Enemies." Arthur Brooks is the former president of the American Enterprise Institute, a conservative Washington D.C., think tank. Troubled by the level of animosity in the current U.S. political landscape, he's analyzed why we increasingly hate those with whom we disagree – and how to use love to try to persuade them instead.
- The Culture of Contempt article: In this New York Times article, Arthur Brooks says the problem in America today is not incivility or intolerance. It's something far worse. It is what he defines as a Culture of Contempt.
- Arthur Brooks Podcast: Dig into the art of disagreement and the power of love with social scientist Arthur Brooks. Against the backdrop of a toxic political climate engendered by the 2016 presidential election, season one focuses on the ways we can better disagree with our friends, family, and community.
- What will it take to bridge our differences?: The Greater Good Science Center studies the psychology, sociology, and neuroscience of well-being, and teaches skills that foster a thriving, resilient, and compassionate society. They have an entire program dedicated to bridging differences and some tremendous resources:
- Can a Divided America Heal?: How can the US recover after the negative, partisan presidential election of 2016? Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt, author of The Righteous Mind, studies the morals that form the basis of our political choices. In conversation with TED Curator Chris Anderson, he describes the patterns of thinking and historical causes that have led to such sharp divisions in America -- and provides a vision for how the country might move forward.
- Hidden Common Ground and report: Public Agenda’s Hidden Common Ground® initiative challenges the narrative that Americans are hopelessly divided and incapable of working together. Through research, journalism, and public engagement, they help Americans identify and strengthen their common ground, productively navigate their differences, and create fair and effective solutions to the challenges of our time.
- Our Common Purpose: The Commission on the Practice of Democratic Citizenship spent two years engaging with communities all over the U.S. to explore how best to respond to the weaknesses and vulnerabilities in our political and civic life. Its final and bipartisan report, Our Common Purpose: Reinventing American Democracy for the 21st Century, was released in June 2020 and includes six strategies and 31 ambitious recommendations to help the nation emerge as a more resilient democracy by 2026, the nation's 250th anniversary.
- See additional resources on the Civility Caucus page
- See resources on improving Public Engagement
Build Your Skills
Train to become a mediator
By becoming a mediator you can both improve your conflict resolution skills and help others work through their differences and find a path forward. Training to become a mediator is available from a variety of organizations.
Train on Restorative Practices
The aim of restorative practices is to manage conflict and tensions by repairing harm and restoring relationships. Learning restorative practices will help you to work effectively with divisive situations and will give you the tools to help your family, friends and community do the same.
Volunteer to mediate disputes and facilitate restorative processes
Minnesota's Community Dispute Resolution Programs offer opportunities to volunteer and serve your community by mediating disputes, facilitating restorative processes, facilitate community conversations and more. To find your local program, visit https://communitymediationmn.org.
Build skills to depolarize conversations and work with those on the other end of the political spectrum
Braver Angels is a national organization with a Minnesota Chapter. One of the co-founders is Bill Doherty, professor at the University of Minnesota. Braver Angels has numerous programs and trainings that bring together Red and Blue Americans in a working alliance to depolarize America. They welcome people with strong convictions and principles. They believe the best way to achieve a more perfect Union is by being forthright and transparent about our political learnings. In that spirit, they say to our fellow Americans, "Come with your convictions, your willingness to listen, and your readiness to talk with others who disagree with you."
Practice conversing with those you disagree with
The backbone of a Living Room Conversation is a conversational model developed by dialogue experts in order to facilitate connection between people despite their differences, and even identify areas of common ground and shared understanding. Within this model, they have developed over 100 free conversation guides on all sorts of topics that can otherwise be tense to talk about with friends, strangers, and even loved ones of differing backgrounds and political persuasions. You can join an existing conversation or host one of your own.
Build your skills on what to do when people disagree
Learn what to do when emotions run high and positions are deeply held. Compromise isn't the only option. In this OCDR workshop, participants learn how to de-escalate difficult situations and move from conflict to effective solutions on challenging public issues. Components of this training include: Problem Solving Mindset; Understanding Conflict; Problem Solving Skills (perspective taking, listening, reframing, synthesizing, de-escalation, and managing strong emotions; and the 5 Step Collaborative Problem Solving Process. The training is available online in two, one-hour modules. For a customized training, visit the OCDR Training page.
Enterprise Training and Development (ETD)
ETD provides trainings for state employees on difficult conversations, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, and other related topics.
